Thanks for stopping by!
While my journey with blogging is just beginning, my journey towards coping with my anxiety has been going on for quite some time.
But to really understand how this developed, we have to go back to the beginning…
Get ready for a complete rundown of my teenage years that you definitely didn’t ask for.
My struggles with anxiety began in high school, although I wasn’t aware at the time that this was what was impacting me so immensely.
I was bullied fairly badly in middle school for being “different” – I’ve always been a little chunky, I’ve never really cared about the brand of clothes I’m wearing, nor did I express much interest in teenage rebellion involving partying and sneaking out late. These things that I showed little regard for were definitely things, at my school, that you were expected to show high regard for to survive the middle school scene.
Up until high school, I was extremely extroverted. I loved playing sports for the team environment and chatting up anyone who was willing to give me the time of day. Leaving middle school, I even had a solid group of “besties” that I was confident I would be in contact with forever, that group of girls you pictured yourself drinking wine with in your 40s, reminiscing about how much you missed your younger years.
Younger me was in for a rude awakening. Near the end of middle school, this group of girls began to slowly disperse from my life. In the end, I believe this was my choice. I began to recognize that these girls did not accept me for me, or my differences. To this day, I remember one of these girls blatantly asking me if “i’d ever consider going on a diet” as well as another one offering to give me a makeover for my birthday. The second memory might not seem outwardly rude, but I recognized this as her deciding that I wasn’t good enough for that group’s image, that I needed to be fixed. I remember being ditched more times than I can count by this group when a more popular alternative was available. I was quickly categorized as the duff of this group, and I truly believe these friendships were completely cut off when these girls realized that the “popular boys” weren’t interested in me because I looked different.